Villain Villanelles for Poetry Thursday
April 25th, 2007 by 
dani
I couldn’t resist posting this very funny near-villanelle written by one of my friends in college. I have no idea where he is today, so, Steve, I hope you don’t mind me usurping your copyright here:
Why do you torture me, Treasured Villanelle
I can’t do this poem Justice (or Thomas anyhow)
Your deceptive form must surely have come from hell.It’s twenty-three sheets of paper o’clock…Well.
Where is my imagery, my form, my rhyme scheme?
You really piss me off, Oh Prized Villanelle!Even grammar (my Friend) doesn’t sound too good–
I can not guess what sadistic mind
Your deceptive form must surely have come from. Hell––O? Domino’s? Or tonight maybe Taco Bell–
Only seven hours pass and already I’m writing on Empty;
I feel myself getting weaker, Killer Villanelle…John Hollander is taunting me, choking me, compelling
me to–Wake up! to a poem still a stanza too short.
I just can’t understand your form, Oh poem born in Hell.My desk is now lit by sun power alone—
I really tried to avoid another poem clone. But,
Look at what I’ve done to you, Battered Villanelle,
Congratulations Beaten Poem, you’ve just experienced Hell.
-Steven Belkin, 2 February 1990
*****
And here is my own best effort to conform to the Poetry Thursday exercise this week (I remain thoroughly unsatisfied and you can just forget about iambic pentameter…)
Back and Forth
Walk away from the place you stood?
Of course not. A promise is forever.
Or then again, maybe I should.Shaken to the core, petrified wood.
An affair! You know what I’d like to sever?
I walk away from the place you stood.Seven years of sacrifices withstood
end in betrayal–no applauding the endeavour.
Or then again, maybe I should.Living your adventure like Robin Hood,
you must have thought yourself so clever,
walking away from the place you stood.I remember a time when we were so good.
You want forgiveness? Pfft, whatever.
Or then again, maybe I should.Please, you must have misunderstood.
Hurt put aside, you know I could never
walk away from the place you stood.
(Or then again, maybe I should.)
Posted in Poetry | 
April 26th, 2007 at 8:23 am
What impresses me about both these is that the repitition works. Getting the repeated lines right is for me the most difficult thing about a vilanelle and the reason why I haven’t written one - so well done!
April 26th, 2007 at 8:46 am
This was a pleasure to read, so I think you got the villanelle ‘right’. Well done and thank you.
April 26th, 2007 at 8:47 am
Oh and P.S. I enjoyed your friends villanelle too, very funny and I understand his frustration!
April 26th, 2007 at 8:54 am
A very good effort. The villanelle is such a difficult poetic form but you’ve done well with this one.
April 26th, 2007 at 8:58 am
Nicely done - someone else who makes it all look so easy, lol.
Liked Steve’s as well.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I think yours is wonderful. A tough and angry subject, but I think that’s why it works so well in repetition.
April 26th, 2007 at 10:23 am
whahahaha….Steven’s is funny!
Yours is moving and sad!!
April 26th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Steven’s one very good. It’s what writing one made me feel like when I started one two years back. But I junked that and finally wrote two. This fom works well if the refrain lines are strong.
You too have done well.
April 26th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Oh, Dani- well done indeed. Just the right amount of emotion going on here… very moving.
April 26th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I found them both playful, even your serious subject, expecially “You want forgiveness? Pfft, whatever.” Finding that line in a formal poem was delightful.
April 26th, 2007 at 3:37 pm
I think your villanelle shows how good the form is at trying to reconcile two opposing points of view ~ well done you
(And as for Steven’s ~ I know ‘It’s twenty-three sheets of paper o’clock’ only too well!!!)
April 26th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
Two very good villanelles. Not an easy form but you never know what you come up with until you get into the mix.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
You certainly didn’t let the form get in the way, good job.
April 26th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
I really like the way the meaning of the repeated line (…maybe I should) seems to bounce back and forth.
April 27th, 2007 at 6:43 am
Very nice efforts for both. I agree that the repeated line is not as bad as the iambic pentameter. Is it just me or does that not fit modern English? Did I just commit sacrilege? LOL
April 27th, 2007 at 9:24 am
i have *no idea* even what an iambic thing-a-ma-jig is, but enjoyed your villanelle!